TOP 5 Annoying Types of Fans

1. Documentarians

They go to their beloved band's concert only to watch it through the screens of their phones pointed at the stage. This is such a vice these days. From the first minute of the concert, a forest of hands goes up with phones unwaveringly capturing every moment of the magical moments on stage. As they say, live in the here and now, right? Well, this type of documentary fanatics only work through the screen of their electronic master. It all needs to be captured, immediately shared, tagged, disseminated to all platforms.

Look at me, I'm living life to the fullest – and I've just ruined the concert experience for someone standing behind me who is wishing that the annoying hand holding the phone has just been separated from the body by the elegant swing of a samurai sword or the fierce swing of a chainsaw. Leave the phones alone and just enjoy the concert. Same goes if you catch a glimpse of a celebrity. You don't have to catch them on your camera and in your "stories" right away.

2. Shouters

Perhaps the most famous shouters were in the days of Beatlemania, when the screams of these enthusiastic fans often drowned out even the PA system from which the mega-famous Beatles played. However, loud fans and groupies are still here. They love their resonant vocals, and so not only do they vehemently join in on their idols' choruses at concerts (their favourite vocal part is a minor second interval from the original on stage, a truly painful chorus), but they will crush your eardrums at any opportunity.

In London, I've often witnessed scenes where, when a bunch of enthusiasts meet, they make sounds approaching the take-off value of supersonic aircraft. English is a phenomenal language with many resonant vowels and in the hands (ahem, vocal cords) of some native speakers it is a weapon of mass destruction. I've carried earplugs or at least headphones with me at all times since then for emergencies, as this type of fandom is widespread.

3. Shy people

It's completely understandable to get slightly nervous when you meet your idol. Your palms sweat, your cheeks turn pink and your spoken word starts to look strikingly similar to a speech therapy session. But some fans not only faint from the overwhelming emotions, but often lose all communication skills. It is strange that when meeting a celebrity, even an otherwise intelligent and nice individual can become a strange creature, whose grinning, grimacing and production of inarticulate sounds recall prehistoric phases of human evolution.

It happened to me when I met my bass idol Victor Wooten at Lucerna Music Bar many years ago. When he put his bass guitar in my hands, I was unable (and I had been playing the instrument for about five years) to play anything and then I left the lens cap on my camera, so I have no memory of the encounter.

4. Overconfident ones

A rather paradoxical type of fan who, instead of admiration and praise, offers their idol advice on how to do better. There is nothing more rewarding than having a smart aleck come up to you after a concert and tell you that the bass wasn't audible, and if anything, it had too much treble, and that it would be better to use such and such type of amp since it plays best. Then they recommend you their sound engineer friend (so that you finally have a good stage sound) and mentions, by the way, that he or she's not too keen on your latest T-shirt design. Yeah, and the best was your first record anyway, back when you weren't commercial s***. The rest of it (meaning the other ten albums, or your entire career) isn't even worth mentioning.

Then you look slightly embarrassed in the photo with them, which the fan in question interprets as your arrogance and actually confirms that you are just an arrogant pseudo celebrity who doesn't even deserve their valuable advice and comments. Still, you'll see them again at the next concert. And you're already looking forward to what interesting things the reunion will bring.

5. Psycho fans

These are the types that Hollywood movies are sometimes made about. These are the people obsessed with their celebrity. Their entire existence is focused on watching their idol's every move. The higher you are in the celebrity ladder, the more likely it is that there will be at least one case (but often more) in your fan base. Now it comes down to how serious the psycho fan is. It could be a mere phase in life where one becomes a mildly psycho fan of a band or artist and then just grows out of it, or lets it go and finds other interests. But if it goes into a really pathological phase, it's literally a matter of life.

We can't blame the rich and famous for being constantly accompanied by bodyguards and sometimes even paranoid about their privacy. John Lennon, Dimebag Darrel or most recently Christina Grimmie were killed by their obsessive psycho fans. These are tragic and unfortunate cases where the obsession of madmen has ruined the lives of talented artists.