11 Things You Really Don’t Want To Hear on Stage

1. "Spare batteries? I don't need them, I changed them a week ago!"

The rule of thumb is that if a battery can run out, it will run out.

2. "Spare strings? I don't have any. I just changed them a month ago!"

Same thing, but the string version. You can try borrowing spare strings from the bass player because it's Friday night and the nearest music shop is 80 miles away. Or go and see if the local 24-hour gas station happens to have strings in stock... Godspeed.

3. "What? We're playing that song?!"

Everyone is struck with surprise—except the band leader who made the playlist, emailed the others, and mentioned it at the last rehearsal. Pity no one was paying attention.

4. "Of course I have that cable/charger/effect/microphone, I put it in my case yesterday!"

Well, then why isn't it in there, hmm? Should we pay another visit to the gas station?

5. "Of course I know the chords to that song."

Which means: “I googled them on the way to the concert.”

6. "What key do we play that song in?"

"Like, you don't expect me to memorize all that, do ya?"

7. "Guys, I'm gonna go to the pub next door for a bite to eat while you finish the soundcheck."

And on the way there, they'll run into two good-looking locals and a dude who offers them weed. And they might show up about halfway through the gig...

8. "The guitarist called to say they're running a little late, they just entered the highway."

Which means the guitarist won't make it to this (or any other) gig this month.

9. "The singer called to say they forgot what the date was. They're on their way here from their vacation home in the mountains and just entered the highway."

The singer's not coming either. And their partner didn't allow them to go anyway.

10. "So, the guitarist called to say there's a traffic jam on the highway and they're not going to make it. But the bass player offers to take over the guitar parts."

Well... What have we got to lose?

11. "The singer lost their voice, but the bass player offered to sing while playing guitar."

At least it's not going to be power play. The drummer and the singing bassist might make an interesting duo—until the entire audience has fled.

Which line is guaranteed to piss you off when you're on stage? Share it with us in the comments below.