Rock and Roll Ain't No Simple Thing
Some of my non-musician friends may feel that we musicians have it easy. But "Rock and roll ain't no simple thing," as The Sheepdogs sing. Have you ever entertained the idea of becoming a rock star? We bet you have. That's why we're bringing you this guide that puts each role in rock in its truest light. In a stage spotlight that's colorful, fast-paced, crazy, and often aimed at the impenetrable fog of rock life. In short, everything you ever wanted to know about music and were afraid to ask—here's the answer.
Frontman
Definition
The word "frontman" implies a male character, but of course, it refers to women as well. In short, it's the band member who's at the front, which is usually a singer.
The concert
The frontmen are late for the gig. Always and everywhere. This is despite the fact that they are the only band members who don't have any equipment to lug around. There's only one place they're always guaranteed to be first, and that place is the bar after the show.
The rehearsal room
They usually don't have anything in the rehearsal room, and if they do, it's an old couch, a table, a closet, snow tires, skis—in short, anything that was standing in the way at home.
Characteristics
They're extroverted, they like to show off, and usually, paradoxically, the rest of the band or the most die-hard fans know their lyrics better than they do.
Guitarist
Definition
Ruler of six-stringed instruments in a band. They think they're the most important member, which they express by way of their amplifier's volume. However, excessive volume is often the result of an age-old rivalry between the guitarist and the drummer, who tries to "overpower" them in every way possible.
The concert
The guitarist comes on time and prepared. They don't help the rest of the band carry in their equipment, because they are the Chosen One who has the honor to rule the guitar and won't risk straining their precious fingers moving the drum kit. They need a lot of time to adjust the sound and push all sorts of buttons. They often panic when their amplifier doesn't seem to work. They start reconnecting cables, frantically twisting the volume knob on the amp until the bassist points out that the amp isn't plugged into the mains.
The rehearsal room
They're usually first at rehearsal. They need enough time to do their proverbial knob-twiddling on the effects and amp. What's worse is that they don't stop even after the rehearsal has officially started. They then generally annoy the rest of the band by asking for their opinion, which is useless anyway because in the end, they doesn't respect anyone's opinion.
Characteristics
The guitarist is usually the most pampered member of the band, demanding the highest standards. But everything is relative, so their dissatisfaction is often opportunistically determined by the current situation. When there are too many baguettes at the gas station on the way home from a gig, they can't make up their mind; when there are too few, they complain of lack of choice. The same chaos that they have in their pedalboard (that's the suitcase with the guitar effects), they often have in their own life. And they spend their whole life looking for the ideal pick, which (spoiler alert!) they will never find.
Drummer
Definition
The drummer's job is to command the beat, which they often interpret as a divine calling, and they recklessly demonstrate their chosenness by playing the world's loudest acoustic instrument. The question of whether they are successful in keeping the beat must not be disputed, because you don't want to incur the wrath of God.
The concert
While the rest of the band has their instruments set up and guitars tuned, the drummer is still working on stool height adjustment. After having finally made up their mind about having the stool at 55, 56, or 57.3 centimeters above the ground, they start the same song all over again. They'll always have it either too close or too far away from the drum kit, so you can enjoy watching them bounce around on the stool looking for the ideal distance.
The rehearsal room
The drum stool is the forbidden place for the rest of the band. To sit behind it is tantamount to trespassing on the royal throne. Don't do it unless you want to end up with a mallet stuck in your eye.
Characteristics
If there's one characteristic that defines a drummer, it's ignorance. While fellow guitarists and bassists will be tuning their instruments, the drummer is banging away at the kit, making the tuning devices go haywire. Even the digital ones. They'll also be trying to sweet-talk the frontman into giving them that old couch that they brought to the rehearsal room.
Bassist
Definition
The role of a bassist is to build a bridge of understanding, patience, and love between the guitarist and the drummer, in addition to playing the bass. The bass guitar, as an instrument at the intersection of rhythm and melody, constructs global musical peace.
The concert
In fact, there are two types of bass players: the traditional one is—literally and figuratively—in the background. Nobody hears them, sees them, or cares about them much. Then there is the absolute opposite, the bass player who acts like an animal on stage as well as in their private life.
The rehearsal room
They waste their energy on solving useless problems and approaches problems and challenges with a natural laxity. They are only interested in their groove, or how to achieve it with the least amount of energy expenditure. Unlike the guitarist, they know that reprimanding the drummer leads nowhere.
Characteristics
The empathy they invest in trying to understand the guitarist on the one hand and the drummer on the other is often lacking in their personal life. At the same time, they are very pragmatic. They are usually just as good at playing the guitar as the guitarist is, but unlike the guitarist, the bassist knows that it's easier to woo groupies with three chords than with a gratuitous guitar solo.
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