Songs Written with a Machete #3: "The Paisa is King!"
I spent eighteen months of my three-year South American adventure in the Colombian wilderness, in a mountain village near the infamous Medellín. As a bluesman, I was impressed by local songs, whose lyrics would wake up even Oblomov from his lethargy. I decided to translate the juiciest pieces and bring them to you in the series Songs Written with a Machete.
Paisas are the inhabitants of the department of Antioquia, whose centre Medellín was once the most dangerous city in the world. Paisas have made both a positive and negative mark on the history of the land of magical realism. Colombia's first saint, Laura Montoya, and Colombia's leading criminal, Pablo Escobar, were both paisas.
There are many jokes and countless humorous songs about paisas, which could be described as a mixture of storytelling and crude folk lyricism. One of these is John Jairo Perez's hit "El Paisa es el Rey", or "The Paisa is King" which in the original version introduces listeners to slang and colloquial expressions from the region.
And this is how we paisas speak,
this is for all the paisas of the world.
[...]
A paisa doesn't have friends, a paisa has pals,
he doesn't seduce women, he hits on them,
a paisa doesn't have lovers, a paisa has a sweetheart
and a paisa doesn't get drunk, he gets properly wasted,
a paisa doesn't fall in love, a paisa just has a crush,
a paisa doesn't have an affair, he has a fling,
a paisa doesn't fall in love, he goes head over heels
and a woman is not good enough unless she's a knockout.
A paisa pops his clogs instead of saying that he is dying,
and he doesn't smoke marijuana, he just gets fried or baked.
The paisa is king, the paisa is king,
even if they die of envy the paisa is king,
the paisa is king the paisa is king,
whatever they do, the paisa is king.
We paisas never drink liquor, we swallow guaro,
we don't make love because we paisas fuck,
guaro doesn't give us a hangover, it creates aftereffects,
a paisa isn't cheated on but he is cuckolded,
drinking doesn't make us hungover, it gives us a bad head.
A paisa doesn't get injured, he gets crippled,
paisas don't joke, they laugh their heads off,
a paisa is not proud but thinks he is a cool dude,
"I love you as a f***," says a paisa when he is in love,
a paisa doesn't have orgasms – when he comes, he screams, you're going to kill me.
The paisa is king, the paisa is king,
even if they die of envy the paisa is king,
the paisa is king the paisa is king,
whatever they do, the paisa is king.
Effeminate men don't exist, for paisas, they are fags and that's it,
to make someone speak they say: spill the beans,
a paisa doesn't make small talk, he just says shit.
For paisa, to be cunning means to be a fox,
and who pretends to be naive is an asshole,
they never rob a paisa unless they kill him
and the thieves don't run, they f*** off.
The paisa is king, the paisa is king,
even if they die of envy the paisa is king,
the paisa is king the paisa is king,
whatever they do, the paisa is king.
Perez's song still makes paisas laugh their heads off in Colombia.
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